Well. I did it. Through nerves, angst and worry. I stunk at trusting. I had a pit in my stomach as nausea consumed my body. I had been dreading that moment the day I accepted with SI. Prayers of desperation were lifted. I ran to the bathroom to have the only solitude i could find in my office to desparately cry out for peace and understanding. Then, I told my Doc. In 5 minutes it all became reality. In 3 months I am leaving the familiarity of the US and American medicine. I'm leaving behind preventative medicine with colonoscopies and mammograms; imaging studies with CT Scans, MRI's, PET Scans, Echos, stress tests; extensive laboratory studies. Leaving behind the comfort of specialists and referrals to people who know, or at least pretend to know, what they're talking about. I must be insane. But, friends, for the first time I can breathe again. I knew telling him was weighing heavy on me, but I didn't realize how much until it was done. And, once again, doubting human Rachel was reminded of how everything has worked so clearly towards leading me to the DR. Not only did my doc understand, but he thought it was awesome! And he said I always have a job to walk back into. Praise the Lord! Work these days has felt a little lighter. I no longer feel like I'm living this crazy double life. No more "secret life of Rachel (for all those under 30 year olds who watched sat morning nickelodeon in the 90s)." And today, for the first of many times I'm sure, I got a little teary eyed. Right now I am working with an amazing doctor who almost always has the answers. I looked at him today and told him so. He is the best diagnostician I have ever seen. And I thought, what the heck am I going to do without him when I am seeing a patient in a remote village of the DR and have no idea what's goin on with them? In fact, I'm sure there will be more times than not that I won't know their diagnosis, at least not definitively. And then I remember. I won't be alone. Ever. Even if I don't know what's wrong with a patient that won't stop me from doing everything I can to help them, just like here. Medicine may be completely different in a developing country but the goal is the same. Sigh. Stay tuned for the trials of a new medical missionary, who sure has a lot of faults and trusting issues, but is just trying to help the world. Even if its just one person.