Well. My first patient found out. I mean, it was bound to happen. I just can't believe no one found out until now, I certainly haven't been fundraising quietly! In fact, I'm fairly certain I've been as loud as I can be! And it was a patient I was certain would not handle my departure well as he is fairly attached. But, as so much through this journey, our conversation went very smoothly. He could not stop telling me how exciting it was! He was sad for my patients here, but he "got it."

Ok, I decided, it's time to start telling other patients. So I tried it out on another. This is a very faithful woman who I see on an every 3 month basis. All I said was "I have accepted the opportunity to be a medical missionary in the Dominican Republic" and she started crying, actually sobbing. I was a little confused. We have a great relationship but she isn't as attached to me as my chemo patients who I see on a weekly basis. Finally she composed herself and she said "God is just so good, isn't he?" And then, I started crying. So often people tell me how great I am, how awesome it is what I am doing. I really struggle with this. It is not what I'm doing, but how Christ is working in my life. And she completely got it. A pat on the back for the one who really deserves the recognition. So I guess I shall just move forward with my goodbyes.

Sometimes, if you keep your eyes open, we are privileged to be witnesses to the love of God that can only be as such. This happened to me several wks ago and I have not been able to stop thinking of how powerful that can be. I pray that I may love with such intensity and without reservation as this incredibly humble couple I met while in Mexico two weeks ago.

They couldn't possibly be much older than me. He in school for counseling, she a church secretary. They met several years ago through Young life. Being brought together through God's grace. They married and dreamed of the life they would have together, not sure children fit in that picture. Then they were led to Gabriel House. They fell in love with the incredible work devoted Christians were doing in the lives of these parent-less children. And oh they returned, multiple times. Their hearts breaking for what breaks His.

And then came the unthinkable, and they listened. And they followed without reservation. God spoke to the heart of this faithful woman. She was meant to mother one of these children. A small, speechless, wheelchair bound, severely disabled child. Probably only 8 or 9 years old. With a smile that could light up a room and eyes that could melt your heart. This young couple did not say no. They did not challenge or question God. They accepted His gift and are in the process of adopting her. They are fully aware how their lives will change. They know the financial cost. They understand that she needs 24/7 care. They are well aware that free time will no longer be free, that vacations will not be like a "normal" family's vacation. But they don't care. They love this child. They see her as a gift. They are willing to take sacrifices, that they may not even see as sacrifices.

Wow. I wish I could say that if God asked me to adopt a child with severe disabilities at the age of 27 I would be obedient, but I just dont know if I would be. I would probably run away and try to foolishly hide from our creator that we can truly never hide from. But, how blessed am I to be a witness to this kind of obedience and love. The secular world may call their decision insane. The Christian world, living like Jesus. I hope that I live a life that appears insane, but resembles the call of insanity and love Christ demands of us. I pray that we all take a step into obedience and love, in whatever form that may take. And that we may continue to grow in our faith and on this journey in a way that deepens our faith and allows us to live radically.

Ah, the day between Good Friday and Easter.  A day between arguably the two most important days on the Christian calendar.  A day that I find myself sandwiched between my mom and brother flying cross-continental from San Diego back to NY.  I have to admit, after traveling so much by myself the past couple of years it sure is nice to be in a row with people i know.  It makes using the restroom a little less annoying.  Ha.


This past year was a big one in my family with a 35th wedding anniversary, Jamie's 30th birthday and my parents 60th.  We thought the best way to celebrate was to take a family vacation.  It could not have come at a better time.  Friends, I have been quite weary and tired.  Overwhelmed with fundraising and emotionally charged as I lost two more patients in the month of March.  And as usual, timing works out as it should and rest was given.

Mission Beach, San Diego, CA
Me, Dad, Mom, Jamie

We spent this past week in a beautiful house between Mission Bay and the Pacific Ocean with daily devotions by the ocean, walks and bike rides on the bay and boardwalk, touristy stuff like the zoo and harbor cruise, and lots of family time.  Surely a blessing.

Mission Beach

San Diego Bay
Me and Jamie

Surfers at sunset

I also had the opportunity to spend a ton of time with my dear friend Hilary, a rock in my life.  A friend who listens without reservation to Christ's call in her life and whose experiences over the last couple of years have eerily paralleled mine.

Hilary has a gift with people who have disabilities.  Three years ago when she was graduating college she decided to spend a year in Mexico as a missionary working at an incredible place called Gabriel House, filled with beautiful children who are orphans and have disabilities.  After that year she moved home to Poughkeepsie and we had a glorious year of discernment together, both pulled to different countries but hearts so yearning to help Gods children.  Hilary moved to San Diego in September and has received her undeniable call back to Gabriel House, and I had the privilege of spending two days with her in this oasis.

Getting Tamales in Ensenada, Mexico
Me and Hilary

Walking down the dirt road on the outskirts of Ensenada, Mexico Gabriel House doesn't look like much.  A small concrete building behind a tall metal fence.  But as you get closer you hear the shrieks and laughter of children playing.  And as you open the gate, 34 precious children with severe disabilities look up and smile with pure joy as their Hilary has come to visit.  Someone who sees them for who they are. Who loves them without reservation.  The job of a parent perhaps, but a parent is not something these children have.  We spent the day loving them.  Giving them the individual attention they so rarely receive.  I was so very overwhelmed, as many people are, at the work being done for these children in a place such as Mexico that just doesn't have the resources we in the states do.

And I couldn't help but be reminded of how similar this scenario is to Christ.  We are all broken.  Physically, emotionally, materialistically, cognitively.  It doesn't matter in what way.  We are all broken.  Each of us.  We hunger to overcome these faults, but truly there is only one person who has, is and ever will.  And He always loves us, unconditionally.  Through this Easter weekend I am continually reminded of the eternal sacrifice  that was made for us by someone who was so human.  Human.  We forget how human Christ was.  The past few days I have read the crucifixion in each of the gospels and I couldn't get over how in each version, Jesus cries out to his father "not my will, but thy will."

Thy will.  That is my prayer for each of us through Easter.  That we not only remember the sacrifice that was made for us, but that we always try to follow His will instead of our own.  Keeping the main thing the main thing.  I struggle with this everyday, as I try so hard to guide my life and worry about the next couple months.  This is not about us, none of this.  And oh will He provide.  As He already did so many years ago on the hill of Calvary.

I pray that you all have a wonderful Easter surrounded by love and reminders of the true meaning of this day.