The Here and Now

God has called you to be a medical missionary in a foreign country.  Awesome.  Thoughts of an adventurous life style of saving lives ransack your mind.  You'd give up everything to play Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman in the remote villages of some mountainous town in the tropics.  A place where the nearest medical provider is well over half a days walk.  Hardly a monotonous existence.  And not only will you save their lives, but you will lead them toward the savior of souls.  What a purposeful existence.  One that only an international mission trip in the mountains of Mexico could inspire.  Daunting, yet extraordinary.  Luckily, you are only 17 and have many years before this calling can become a reality.  Logistics and practicality do not need to be worked out. 


Days turn into Months and Months turn into Years and you are absorbed into the secular world, roped into college life in every aspect.  That calling that took form on that mountaintop slowly fades into oblivion.  Studying and partying consume your life, who needs God?  Sure, prayers would be lifted up before exams and church would be attended on holidays and when home on break; but gone is any resemblance of a relationship.  Yet even then He has not forgotten.  When you have, He hasn't.  You choose PA school over med school because you want to practice medicine at the age of 25.  You want to look into serving with the Peace Corp or something "cool" like that.  There's no way you'll get into PA school the first application round.  There's no way you have enough patient experience.  Incredibly you do get in, and not just to one school.  You love PA school.  Feel a sense of belonging you never had before, and yet continue to feel empty.  You make it through those rigorous 2 years.  But where to go after that?  All thoughts of medical missionary have disappeared in time. 


You plan on moving to NYC.  What better place to be a young, successful PA?  Where better to spend your 20s than in "the scene."  Going out every night, dating, traveling.  Didn't you earn it?  Fate comes knocking.  It is time to return to your home church and attend a mission trip to the Dominican Republic, only this time as a PA.  Fabulous.  You could use a tropical vacation and rekindling with God before starting your job.


....confusion, happiness, peace, fulfillment, love, tears, sweat, joy, perseverance....most incredible week of your life.  Welcome, Rachel.  Welcome home.  Welcome to Christianity.  Welcome to the life I have in store for you, the life I want you to lead.  He was still waiting.  When You made all the decisions for your life, He knew what would bring you happiness, what you're capable of and who you need to serve.


You return to live the life you created.  Everything is different.  Everything you thought made you happy no longer did.  You do a 360 and realize that your 17 year old save-the-world mentality hasn't gone anywhere and that is what you're led to do.  Maybe not the world, but even just one.  Save in every sense of the word.  And not you alone but with the strength of Him.  What to do?  You are stuck.  Stuck in the American dream.  Stuck in the reality that you began.  You start your job and cry at the blessings we have in America, the health care that is at our finger tips.  You gawk at the unfathomable amount of money spent on materialistic possessions.  You do not belong in this world.  You don't understand what has happened to your perfectly laid out plan.  You are broken, you spiral downward.  Home is the only cure to this state.  Home and working towards the place you are called to be.


You move home, to much dismay.  Living with family again at 26 after 8 years away.  A blessing and slight curse.  You can work through it all with the patience and support of a non-judgmental environment.  Your church becomes your sanctuary.  Those who have been with you on your journey become a part of your life.  You take a new job and find a nurturing environment to grow as a clinician.  You love your patients.  Once again, you grow accustomed to this life and doubt his plan..  Am I still meant to follow you to the DR?  Yes he says.  This is a stepping stone.  But how?  That will come. Patience.  I'm scared of speaking in front of people, I don't know theology.  But you know me, and I will be with you. Just say yes.  I say yes, and I will follow.  To the ends of the Earth, I will follow.