I am terrible at sharing my calling to those who oppose it or do not understand.  There, I said it.  I find myself getting frustrated and unable to clearly express what God has laid so blatantly within my heart.  It's easy to share my journey with those who respond to you with a look of amazement.  With complete support and understanding.  It's harder to speak with those who think I'm crazy.  Those who don't understand what a calling is.  To those who think I am living the dream, the American dream.  I am a people pleaser.  We know this.  I like everyone to like me.  I think most of us feel this way.  But for me it can be consuming.

Perhaps this is a glimpse as to what the apostles and Jesus experienced from friends and family when they went to share the good news.  In an ideal world everyone would be encouraging and supportive.  But in the same thought, in an ideal world all would be believers.  The truth is we do not live in an ideal world.  We live in a world where evil is around us.  Where possessions become idols and people have yet to experience the grace and love of our Father.

I suppose the next question is what to do with this?  I'm confident that the struggles I experience while still in America are preparing my heart for what is to come.  They pale in comparison.  They are pushing me to grow in Christ.  To rely on his strength.  I just pray that if I am accepted to SI and when I begin sharing my path with all those around me that I have patience and use every encounter as an opportunity to share how my life has been transformed. 

He carries us

Doubt.  Why does humanity have to get in the way of everything?  I feel as if I am living a dual existence.  My weekends I am motivated as anything to follow God's will and day dream about the life he has planned for me.  Then, without fail, Monday comes and American society infiltrates my body and influences my thoughts.  Perhaps I could be happy here.  Perhaps God is not calling me over seas.  I love my job, I could stay with my patients forever.  I could have a comfortable career with challenges and triumphs.  The kind of career I had always dreamed of. 

During devotions this morning, God met me.  Through scripture he revealed that I am not the only one who doubted.  After the crucifixion Jesus's own apostles (the holy 11!!) doubted what they saw and He was standing right in front of them!!  We are so blessed to have a Father that understands His creation.  He knows better than any of us that we doubt and question and stumble and fall.  That without His help there is no way we can get it right.  And to think he still loves us, despite our doubting nature when He is all around us!

I struggle with God's purpose for my life as we all do.  The only thing I know for sure is that I sure love the DR.  I sure love people.  I sure love medicine.  And I sure love Jesus.  It makes sense to combine all?  Sometimes thinking is too much.  It's just easier to trust and let the future unravel.  I don't believe we should sit back and allow life to happen but I also think sometimes we take too much control.  So here's releasing the reigns to the one who knows the best. 

He carries us. 

The interview.  3 weeks away.  Prayers for His will.  Try not to over think.  To trust.


Check out this inspirational Physician/Minister who found his niche in Tennessee with medical missions.  "Jesus cared about the sick and it was as though he told me, you should too." Scott Morris, MD


http://www.guideposts.org/hope-and-faith/minister-finds-faith-calling-doctor