Oh facebook. Instagram. Twitter. Google plus. Linked in. And insert any other type of social media here____.
How on most days, I love thee because you keep me connected with all the people, places and things I love so dearly in the world.
But, today. When I am feeling a bit heavy hearted. When my sacrifice to live in the Dominican Republic just. feels. heavy.
.......................today, I loathe social media.
I miss fall. I miss the leaves. I miss wearing sleeves on my arms. Or drinking a pumpkin spice latte. Or cuddling underneath blankets. I miss apple picking. Or celebrating Halloween and not being looked at as a hypocrite because in the Dominican culture it is truly a demonic holiday. I miss my parents and having coffee with my mom. Or calling a friend on my drive home from work. I miss order and being surrounded by people who obey the laws because they are enforced. I miss driving to DC to visit my friends for a weekend away. I miss....you get the picture.
Yes, after 14 months of living in my mission field, I still get homesick. And I admit to all of you, I am in the middle of a big pit.
My load feels weighty. I find myself frustrated that this is where God wants me. That as my friends are all getting together after work or celebrating weddings or babies, here I am. Sweating in my room. The electricity inconsistent after a big tropical storm and my water brown from said storm.
Rarely do I dwell. Rarely do I let my emotions get the best of me. But, occasionally, I miss my home country. And sometimes that miss is just all consuming.
And then I feel guilty. What He has asked me to do is nothing compared to the cross He bore. Christ carried the weight of the world and all who lived and was going to live. He suffered torture and betrayal and hate. And all He asks of us in return is to love Him and care for His people to the ends of the Earth.
This morning as I found myself trapped in my thoughts of self-pity, sitting in my clinic in Buenos Aire, in walked widows and orphans, my patients. The very people Christ asks us to care for. And He gave me the opportunity to love and help them. And that provided more joy than any of those "Earthly" things listed above that I so desperately miss, ever could.
Yet, even though he knows I'm where I need to be, Christ let me weep. He let me miss those very good things that I miss so dearly. And He walked with me. And gave me shoulders and support tonight through other missionaries to share the load and who understand the lengths we all have to go to follow Christ's very greatest commandment.
So, don't feel pity for me. I am where I need to be. And don't stop posting pictures or telling me about that beautiful New York fall. Just drink an extra latte, or take an extra breathe of fall air or cuddle further under those blankets even go hike Montauk, for me.
But, remember where your fulfillment comes from. As He walks with me, I sure can't forget it.
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