Doubt. Why does humanity have to get in the way of everything? I feel as if I am living a dual existence. My weekends I am motivated as anything to follow God's will and day dream about the life he has planned for me. Then, without fail, Monday comes and American society infiltrates my body and influences my thoughts. Perhaps I could be happy here. Perhaps God is not calling me over seas. I love my job, I could stay with my patients forever. I could have a comfortable career with challenges and triumphs. The kind of career I had always dreamed of.
During devotions this morning, God met me. Through scripture he revealed that I am not the only one who doubted. After the crucifixion Jesus's own apostles (the holy 11!!) doubted what they saw and He was standing right in front of them!! We are so blessed to have a Father that understands His creation. He knows better than any of us that we doubt and question and stumble and fall. That without His help there is no way we can get it right. And to think he still loves us, despite our doubting nature when He is all around us!
I struggle with God's purpose for my life as we all do. The only thing I know for sure is that I sure love the DR. I sure love people. I sure love medicine. And I sure love Jesus. It makes sense to combine all? Sometimes thinking is too much. It's just easier to trust and let the future unravel. I don't believe we should sit back and allow life to happen but I also think sometimes we take too much control. So here's releasing the reigns to the one who knows the best.
He carries us.
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