"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid, for the Lord God is my strength and my might; he has become my salvation." Isaiah 12:2
Several weeks ago I shared that I had become discouraged. That I was overwhelmed by thoughts that were not typical of me. During that time I spoke to a very dear friend who asked when I felt the most connected to Christ. I replied when I was on my interview in the DR, that I knew I had prayer warriors who were praying for His will to be done. She suggested something so simple and obvious. I needed those prayer warriors throughout this next year, as I step outside of my comfort zone and begin fundraising. And so, my prayer cards were created. I can't tell you the immense difference I feel since asking specific people to pray for specific things. The power of prayer is so incredible. Allow me to share with you how it has helped me just in the last couple of weeks.
The heart of my parents has completely changed over this past year. From supportive of whatever I do but not really "getting it" to being my biggest supporters. Example- behind our house a new house on 30 acres of land has been created. My Mom has been dying to meet our neighbors. So, she finally convinced my Dad on their way home from shopping last weekend to stop by. Our new neighbors are devout Christians and my parents were able to share with them my calling. To perfect strangers! Within several days a brown paper bag sat on our front step with a book about a young female missionary from the 1800s who went abroad to India and an encouraging letter, to me.....from a total stranger!! The book came at the right time as I was feeling overwhelmed and thinking, what can a single young 26 year old girl really do? Answered prayers.
This weekend, on Saturday I sat down with my dear friends who are missionaries with a wonderful campus ministry called Disciplemakers. I can't recall feeling more humbled than when leaving them. I met with them to share how God has been working in my life, as friends. Not only have they showed faithfully that they believe in my ministry but they offered to be fundraising mentors for me! What a blessing! I feel so isolated from Students International so to have people willing to help stateside is incredible. They also want me to visit them in Penn State and set up meetings with a bunch of their missionary friends who greatly believe in international missions. Where did all this come from? Only above.
On Sunday, I wasn't planning to attend morning church but go on a hike in Mohonk and then attend late afternoon church. A thunderstorm seemed to ruin our plans. A friend of mine and I decided to go to Arlington Reformed Church, to wait out the rain, then go biking in New Paltz. It was soon very evident this was the right plan. We walked in 20 minutes late. The head pastor at that church was my Youth Pastor when I went to Mexico so has seen my transformation. Of course he announced us to everyone, being the lovely on the spot kind of guy he is. But then during prayer time he had me stand up and his congregation pray for me about the DR. Wow! Afterwards, I was able to share with people about this journey. And I loved it! Maybe public speaking won't be so bad. I forgot how fun it is to share God's work in my life with people who haven't been with me since the beginning. To show how the puzzle pieces fit. And with my conversation I gained a new prayer supporter and financial supporter. He is good! He is encouraging me!
I often say, I just want to be there. But God showed me this past weekend what an important step this next year will be. To have the opportunity to meet people I never would have in the past. To find prayer warriors which are just as important, if not more so, then financial supporters. I look forward to sitting down with many of you in person and sharing stories!
I pray that we all have open eyes to seeing His work in our lives. Happy Monday!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Today I am excited. Today is the beginning. I am having my first official talk about the DR and meeting with prayer supporters!! I can't wait to sit with them and share how Jesus has worked through my life and the quest I am embarking on. My favorite topic! This family is very special to me as they are in ministry themselves and were with me on my first trip to the DR in Nov 2009. How things have changed! The perfect place to begin.
For the past couple of months, I have been blessed to be placed in contact with an incredible missionary who is a year ahead of me in this process. She is currently in language school in Guatemala. I placed a link to her blog on the left side of this page. If you get the opportunity to check it out, she is an amazing testimony as to how God will carry us and provide when we are following his will. She and I have been in contact since a couple weeks before my interview with SI and she has been a huge wealth of information to me. I have actually never met her in person. Add that to the list of things I am looking forward to!
Will let you know how everything goes today. Blessings to you all!!
"Commit your way to the Lord, trust in him and he will act. He will make your vindication light, and the justice of your cause like noonday." Psalm 37:4
For the past couple of months, I have been blessed to be placed in contact with an incredible missionary who is a year ahead of me in this process. She is currently in language school in Guatemala. I placed a link to her blog on the left side of this page. If you get the opportunity to check it out, she is an amazing testimony as to how God will carry us and provide when we are following his will. She and I have been in contact since a couple weeks before my interview with SI and she has been a huge wealth of information to me. I have actually never met her in person. Add that to the list of things I am looking forward to!
Will let you know how everything goes today. Blessings to you all!!
"Commit your way to the Lord, trust in him and he will act. He will make your vindication light, and the justice of your cause like noonday." Psalm 37:4
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Impatience = Distrust
It is August 14....exactly 41 days since I have been accepted to Students International. For those of you who don't know me as well as others, I am very much a type A person in many areas of my life. Which means I am always looking towards the next step and planning. I find it difficult to live in the moment as I am constantly looking ahead for the next step. God is really testing my patience level these days. In my eyes I am ready to jump. Ready to start fundraising and talking to everyone who will listen about where God is leading me. And I suppose that is a good thing, except when everything at this point is out of my control.
I am impatient. SI and I are still working out details, budgeting, fine tuning timeline, etc. But I just want to plunge. I had originally planned on moving home for a year....that was 14 months ago and now I will be here until at least June 2012. Which seems forever away. You would think by now I would learn I am not in control, to lift these traits up to the one who is. Yet once again I am humbled. Yesterday in my devotion time God reminded me of his ever present spirit and how once again I have to trust. Trust him not only in the big things but also the minute details. In this situation, my impatience is showing distrust in his plan. He will lead me and I will begin fundraising in His time. Until then, I can still love on the DR and tell every person I meet how blessed I am to know Jesus and this incredible journey we are embarking on!
"The human mind plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps." Proverbs 16:9
It's just hard for me not to think about this place and people that have stolen my heart....with pictures as these can you blame me???
I pray that you all had a restful Sabbath and are renewed in His spirit as we start this new week!
I am impatient. SI and I are still working out details, budgeting, fine tuning timeline, etc. But I just want to plunge. I had originally planned on moving home for a year....that was 14 months ago and now I will be here until at least June 2012. Which seems forever away. You would think by now I would learn I am not in control, to lift these traits up to the one who is. Yet once again I am humbled. Yesterday in my devotion time God reminded me of his ever present spirit and how once again I have to trust. Trust him not only in the big things but also the minute details. In this situation, my impatience is showing distrust in his plan. He will lead me and I will begin fundraising in His time. Until then, I can still love on the DR and tell every person I meet how blessed I am to know Jesus and this incredible journey we are embarking on!
"The human mind plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps." Proverbs 16:9
It's just hard for me not to think about this place and people that have stolen my heart....with pictures as these can you blame me???
I pray that you all had a restful Sabbath and are renewed in His spirit as we start this new week!
 |
| Praying for a 5 year old boy who has Cerebral Palsy and no wheelchair (Nov '09)! He's either on the floor or in the arms of his mother. Our church brought a wheelchair donated from our special education ministry (Odyssey) the following trip! Answered prayers! |
 |
| Children sponsored by the ministry Sowers of the Kingdom, an organization associated with my church that I do short term medical mission trips with |
 |
| This is all one family!!! Writing out prescriptions. |
 |
| Playa Bonita, Samana Peninsula, DR |
 |
| Mountain view from Palmarito, Samana Peninsula |
 |
| Remote mountain community; Palmarito |
 |
| Palmarito |
 |
| Palmarito nina! |
Friday, August 5, 2011
......truly that simple??
"Enjoy serving the Lord, and he will give you what you want." Psalm 37: 4
"When we submit to God's plans, we can trust our desires. Our assignment is found at the intersection of God's plan and our pleasures. What do you love to do? What brings you joy? What gives you a sense of satisfaction?
Some long to feed the poor. Others enjoy leading the church.....Each of us has been made to serve God in a unique way....
The longings of your heart, then, are not incidental; they are critical messages. The desires of your heart are not to be ignored; they are to be consulted. As the wind turns the weather vane, so God uses your passions to turn your life. God is too gracious to ask you to do something you hate."
from Grace For The Moment by Max Lucado
Is it really that simple? Following our Lord is following the will he has placed within our heart? To trust that which he has placed so strongly at the depths of our being that we are unable to ignore?
I had a tough couple of weeks. I have been living in the now. Which I suppose isn't such a bad thing considering I will still be in the states for almost another year. But, it is a change in pace since the past few months have been all about the DR. Perhaps because I know I will be there in Fall of 2012 I don't feel the need to spend countless hours longing to understand this next step.
For the first time last week I felt fear. I continued to experience an all consuming peace and understanding that this is indeed the next step, but fear enveloped my thoughts. Interestingly, not fear of the DR but all I have to do before arriving. Fear that people will not believe in my ministry and financial support will not come. Fear of going from a lucrative career to one fully relying on Him to provide. Fear of mission training school, that I don't have the biblical knowledge all the other missionaries will have. Fear of leaving home and my parents behind. Fear of walking away from a job I love. But most of all, fear of going to Guatemala for language school. Learning foreign languages does not come easily to me. I have studied Latin, French and Spanish. I can barely tell you how to say "hello" in any of them. Not my forte. I am scared of living in Guatemala. The DR has become a second home to me. I am very comfortable there. But Guatemala is a whole nother realm. What are the people like? Will they be welcoming? As I stumble through one of the biggest challenges I will face, learning Spanish?
I hate being afraid. I truly felt my fear was coming between my relationship with Christ. I spent a good portion of last weekend in devotion. Remarkably I felt little consolation. Until Tuesday. He answers. Tuesday morning at work, I had a new patient. She brought a translator because she only spoke Spanish. I was so excited to have my first Spanish speaking patient in Poughkeepsie (after over a year of practicing here). In the Bronx at Montefiore I was surrounded by many Dominicans and Puerto Ricans but not in the suburbs. Probably the only thing I miss about working in the Bronx. As I step into my exam room an incredible sound of Spanish filled the air. I asked where my patient is from. But of course Guatemala, and she was lovely. And I found peace. Once again. He answers. Trust Rachel. Trust.
This past week was the hardest I have experienced since specializing in Oncology. I am privileged to spend an immense amount of time with my patients and their families. We become such an intimate part of each other's lives. I have hundreds of patients, but about 8-10 who are acutely ill requiring chemo to keep them alive. They are the ones I become incredibly close to. On Monday I admitted two of those patients to the hospital and on Thursday I discharged one on Hospice and unexpectedly the other passed away. To love a patient and lose them is heartbreaking. But all in one day. Such heartache. And through the sadness He was there. I was able to be with my patient's family right after he passed. What a blessing to share that time with them. To express to them how much he had meant to me.
People often ask how I can practice in oncology, isn't it sad? My answer is quite simple. I believe in a God who loves my patients more than I. He works through my hands and when it is their time, He takes them. To a place far away from the pain and agony they have endured. I believe in heaven and that my patients are in the place He has created for them. They are with the ultimate healer and have been healed. They are at last at peace. But yes how I miss them.
I hope this evening finds you all at peace. If I could ask you to please keep me in your prayers. Prayers as I am beginning this journey. To trust and follow in his steps.
"When we submit to God's plans, we can trust our desires. Our assignment is found at the intersection of God's plan and our pleasures. What do you love to do? What brings you joy? What gives you a sense of satisfaction?
Some long to feed the poor. Others enjoy leading the church.....Each of us has been made to serve God in a unique way....
The longings of your heart, then, are not incidental; they are critical messages. The desires of your heart are not to be ignored; they are to be consulted. As the wind turns the weather vane, so God uses your passions to turn your life. God is too gracious to ask you to do something you hate."
from Grace For The Moment by Max Lucado
Is it really that simple? Following our Lord is following the will he has placed within our heart? To trust that which he has placed so strongly at the depths of our being that we are unable to ignore?
I had a tough couple of weeks. I have been living in the now. Which I suppose isn't such a bad thing considering I will still be in the states for almost another year. But, it is a change in pace since the past few months have been all about the DR. Perhaps because I know I will be there in Fall of 2012 I don't feel the need to spend countless hours longing to understand this next step.
For the first time last week I felt fear. I continued to experience an all consuming peace and understanding that this is indeed the next step, but fear enveloped my thoughts. Interestingly, not fear of the DR but all I have to do before arriving. Fear that people will not believe in my ministry and financial support will not come. Fear of going from a lucrative career to one fully relying on Him to provide. Fear of mission training school, that I don't have the biblical knowledge all the other missionaries will have. Fear of leaving home and my parents behind. Fear of walking away from a job I love. But most of all, fear of going to Guatemala for language school. Learning foreign languages does not come easily to me. I have studied Latin, French and Spanish. I can barely tell you how to say "hello" in any of them. Not my forte. I am scared of living in Guatemala. The DR has become a second home to me. I am very comfortable there. But Guatemala is a whole nother realm. What are the people like? Will they be welcoming? As I stumble through one of the biggest challenges I will face, learning Spanish?
I hate being afraid. I truly felt my fear was coming between my relationship with Christ. I spent a good portion of last weekend in devotion. Remarkably I felt little consolation. Until Tuesday. He answers. Tuesday morning at work, I had a new patient. She brought a translator because she only spoke Spanish. I was so excited to have my first Spanish speaking patient in Poughkeepsie (after over a year of practicing here). In the Bronx at Montefiore I was surrounded by many Dominicans and Puerto Ricans but not in the suburbs. Probably the only thing I miss about working in the Bronx. As I step into my exam room an incredible sound of Spanish filled the air. I asked where my patient is from. But of course Guatemala, and she was lovely. And I found peace. Once again. He answers. Trust Rachel. Trust.
This past week was the hardest I have experienced since specializing in Oncology. I am privileged to spend an immense amount of time with my patients and their families. We become such an intimate part of each other's lives. I have hundreds of patients, but about 8-10 who are acutely ill requiring chemo to keep them alive. They are the ones I become incredibly close to. On Monday I admitted two of those patients to the hospital and on Thursday I discharged one on Hospice and unexpectedly the other passed away. To love a patient and lose them is heartbreaking. But all in one day. Such heartache. And through the sadness He was there. I was able to be with my patient's family right after he passed. What a blessing to share that time with them. To express to them how much he had meant to me.
People often ask how I can practice in oncology, isn't it sad? My answer is quite simple. I believe in a God who loves my patients more than I. He works through my hands and when it is their time, He takes them. To a place far away from the pain and agony they have endured. I believe in heaven and that my patients are in the place He has created for them. They are with the ultimate healer and have been healed. They are at last at peace. But yes how I miss them.
I hope this evening finds you all at peace. If I could ask you to please keep me in your prayers. Prayers as I am beginning this journey. To trust and follow in his steps.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
His Will Be Done.....
The following are excerpts from my journal while on my interview in Jarabacoa, DR with Students International (SI):
Saturday July 2, 2011 5:00pm
somewhere flying over the Atlantic Ocean between Fl and the DR......
This is it. I can't believe I'm on the plane to interview to be a medical missionary. I've never experienced the emotions I have been the past couple of days. I am so peaceful and excited. I can't wait to see what the next 5 days hold. My future? I am blessed to have so many people at home praying for me. When I left my parents this morning it felt like I was leaving for longer than 5 days, like this is the beginning.
11:15pm
I had dinner with my potential site leader tonight. It was lovely. It's incredible to see how God has worked in their lives. We all have such different stories yet the same unexpected calling. Everyone seems to be so excited about the possibility of me. The outreach that can happen. I just pray to listen to you, Oh Lord, and not all these outside voices who want me to be here. It's scary the thought of moving here but is there something to be said that I am more comfortable on a plane full of Dominicans than Americans? That I can see myself having a Dominican house but not an American? And not just because it would be orange. Oh the struggles of doubting. Lord, you told me this morning to trust. I am trusting in you. I want to follow you. Show me over the next couple of days where you want me to be. Relieve my mind of doubt. Show me, walk with me, carry me and I will follow. I thank you for laying this country so firmly on my heart. I can't leave it behind. It just keeps pressing. Provide me with the words to speak and the questions to ask. This feels so right, like I can breathe. I don't know how everything is going to come together but I just need to trust.
Sunday July 3, 2011 8:00am
"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."
Isaiah 26:3
I keep telling people over the past couple of days that I am so calm and at such peace without anxiety. I truly believe this peace is because I am trusting. Trusting that I am in His hands. That He knows where I belong better than I. That it will be made clear on this journey.
Monday July 4, 2011 7:00am
This is the second year in a row I haven't been in the states for Independence day. Sorry I didn't write last night. It was a very exhausting day. I went to an American-Dominican church in the morning. The sermon was translated which was great. And I did get some good Spanish worship in there! The last song they sang was "In Christ Alone" in Espanol. I have been listening to that song pretty incessantly at home so it was pretty incredible to hear it in Jarabacoa. The sermon was from Ezra and talked about Cyrus the King of Persia listening to the way God was moving his heart. The pastor talked about how we need to learn to listen. I think that's a lot of our problem as humans. Everyone keeps telling me how kool it is that God is speaking to me, but I think our Lord speaks to all of us. We just have to train ourselves to listen.
At the end of the service I met a Canadian medical missionary who has training in tropical diseases. She has been in Jarabacoa for 10 years and has her own clinic! Awesome! I definitely could have talked with her all day. It was encouraging to see someone within the medical field. I've met many teachers and social workers, etc who are missionaries but I am ashamed at the lack of international full time medical health care providers. With there being such need!!
Afterwards, I had lunch with the doctor I will be working with and his family. It was delicious. Lots of rice and beans and vegetables! They are so kind to cater towards my vegetarianism! Following that I spent the afternoon with a young missionary couple who are in charge of all the students when they come on trips and stay at the base. It was so nice to sit and speak with people who were my age and living here. That was huge for me. To get a 20-something American missionary perspective. I had dinner that night with two power house couples. The President of all of SI and the directors of SI-DR. It was a bit intimidating. That felt like my interview. They asked me some tough questions about my training, my vision, my testimony, my loan issue. But it was also incredible that little ole me, with big dreams was given the opportunity to sit at a table and dream about where God will lead me.
Last thought- I guess Sat I was so pumped and yesterday was pretty overwhelming. I think that is the best way to describe how I am feeling. Overwhelmed. Lord, am I ready for this?
9:00pm
And He answers trust in me. It has been incredible connecting with the missionaries here. I spent the morning in the hospital with my dear doctor friend. I have to say, every other time I have been in the DR I have felt like a tourist. This is the first time I can truly see myself living here. Over the past two days I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly of mission work. I have envisioned what my life would be like here and I have to say I get pretty excited about the possibilities. There is so much need and so much I can do. I had lunch with a single female missionary today. That was huge to hear her perspective. To hear how she hasn't dated since being here and all the weddings, babies being born and time with friends she has missed- but to hear how God has worked through her ministry. She is in charge of the best special ed school in the country! And the only in about a 50 mile radius.
I spent the afternoon vision dreaming with my potential site leader. He showed me where SI is building a clinic. A beautiful clinic next to their Physical Therapy site. I spoke with the Physical Therapist about how he moved down here and is practicing. It was fantastic to speak with someone who understands what it's like to leave American medicine. We then went to remote villages where I can start clinics! I just cannot believe this is where I am. Just from SDR in Las Terrenas to here with SI and Jarabacoa. The need is tremendous. My job would never end. My future site leader and I have a shared vision. Work in the "urban" clinic for the poor several days a week. Community health outreach with health care education and prevention in the remote villages. Starting clinics and home visits in the mountains. Regular clinics for the schools SI runs with initiation of health care record charts. In my ministry I would surely be able to work with American students to help me with the Dominicans! To reach those who would previously never have access to health care. What a blessing! And a prayer answered. To be able to pray with my patients and combine spiritual with physical healing! To follow the Greatest Healer.
HRC came this afternoon. It was incredible to be able to share with my Pastor and dear friend all that has transpired. I of course filled them in on everything. Today I am feeling this is possible. I get so excited thinking of where God is leading me. I have to say I do get nervous when I think of all that I could see and not know what to do (medicinally). But it's just like in the states- trust that Jesus will work through me, after all he is entrusting me with his children and whatever I don't know I will find someone who does.
Tomorrow is my 2 and a half hour interview. I'm not nervous but also not really looking forward to it. I don't love sitting down and talking about myself but I suppose it has to be done. I am just trusting. Trusting God that this is His path for me. That everything has led me up to now.
Tuesday July 5, 2011 7:15am
"He has shown you, O man, What is good. And what does the Lord require of you But to do justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
Micah 6:8
A season. I am called to be here for at least a season, a couple of years. Then to be determined. Can I handle piloting a new ministry site? Not alone. But with the strength of the Lord anything is possible. Did Moses think he could lead Israel out of Egypt? Did David think he could defeat Goliath? Did Mary think she could give birth to Our Savior? With trust, love and faith in the ruler of all we can. It is possible. Everything. Can I hang with youth and teach them? I didn't think so a year ago, but yesterday I had teenage girls shouting my name and running up to hug me. Telling me I would be great as a site leader. Was that you Lord? All is possible through you. Mountains move. Hearts change. Missionaries are born. Am I scared. Yes. Do I have moments where I am so excited I could jump up and down. Yes. Do I have moments where I am petrified? Yes. But through all of this no anxiety or unrest. Just peace and purpose. Today I am excited for my interview. To share. My path. Our path. Please be with me. May my words be yours. May I understand your will for me and proceed forth. Heavenly Father, I just praise you. I thank you for bringing me to this place. For making all these connections. To meet people who don't look at you crazy when you have this will and desire to live in another place. Thank you for this road we are embarking on together. You have not left me.
10:45pm
I love this place. But, once again I go home with such peace and conviction. My interview went great. I was a tiny bit nervous at the beginning but the Lord showed himself faithful and calmed my nerves. I feel as though they truly got a grasp on who I am. Our visions are parallel. I cannot believe that all I have been dreaming will become a reality. I was accepted on staff. Praise the Lord! I can finally move forward. Many things have to happen before I am here. My largest hurtle is my huge amount of student loan debt. So here I am praying and challenging our Father. To give my faith to you and believe that anything is possible through you. This is where you want me to be. Bring me here. These past few days have been incredible. And if My God is for us, than who could ever stop us? I am ok with that.
Wednesday July 6, 2011 7:00am
"Therefore I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; My God will hear me."
Micah 7:7
I am leaving today but without sorrow in my heart. I always know that I will be back. Perhaps it won't be for a year, but this is where God wants me to be. Every missionary has their inbetween year; their year of fundraising and of faith growing. I am inpatient and eager to get to the mission field right now, but all these things take time. Thank goodness I am finally in a job back in the states that I like. My God will hear me. Trust. Two resounding themes of the past week. It's time to take a leap of faith. At this moment I am not so overwhelmed; I'm where I need to be. I know there will be many times over the next year when I am frustrated or sad or torn. These I will lift up to our Father. To trust that this is where he wants me; all in his timing. I just pray for guidance. I pray for patience with those around me who won't understand the journey I am on.
10:30 pm
I was so blessed to spend a couple of hours sharing with my parents all that has happened over the past couple of days. They were pretty incredible. I am taking a couple of weeks to think about my timeline for things and start thinking about fundraising. I would love to have a kick-off event. The ideas are pouring in. Back to reality tomorrow. I pray for courage, patience, trust and perseverance over this next year.
"And my God will meet all your needs according to the glorious riches in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:19
Saturday July 2, 2011 5:00pm
somewhere flying over the Atlantic Ocean between Fl and the DR......
This is it. I can't believe I'm on the plane to interview to be a medical missionary. I've never experienced the emotions I have been the past couple of days. I am so peaceful and excited. I can't wait to see what the next 5 days hold. My future? I am blessed to have so many people at home praying for me. When I left my parents this morning it felt like I was leaving for longer than 5 days, like this is the beginning.
11:15pm
I had dinner with my potential site leader tonight. It was lovely. It's incredible to see how God has worked in their lives. We all have such different stories yet the same unexpected calling. Everyone seems to be so excited about the possibility of me. The outreach that can happen. I just pray to listen to you, Oh Lord, and not all these outside voices who want me to be here. It's scary the thought of moving here but is there something to be said that I am more comfortable on a plane full of Dominicans than Americans? That I can see myself having a Dominican house but not an American? And not just because it would be orange. Oh the struggles of doubting. Lord, you told me this morning to trust. I am trusting in you. I want to follow you. Show me over the next couple of days where you want me to be. Relieve my mind of doubt. Show me, walk with me, carry me and I will follow. I thank you for laying this country so firmly on my heart. I can't leave it behind. It just keeps pressing. Provide me with the words to speak and the questions to ask. This feels so right, like I can breathe. I don't know how everything is going to come together but I just need to trust.
Sunday July 3, 2011 8:00am
"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."
Isaiah 26:3
I keep telling people over the past couple of days that I am so calm and at such peace without anxiety. I truly believe this peace is because I am trusting. Trusting that I am in His hands. That He knows where I belong better than I. That it will be made clear on this journey.
Monday July 4, 2011 7:00am
This is the second year in a row I haven't been in the states for Independence day. Sorry I didn't write last night. It was a very exhausting day. I went to an American-Dominican church in the morning. The sermon was translated which was great. And I did get some good Spanish worship in there! The last song they sang was "In Christ Alone" in Espanol. I have been listening to that song pretty incessantly at home so it was pretty incredible to hear it in Jarabacoa. The sermon was from Ezra and talked about Cyrus the King of Persia listening to the way God was moving his heart. The pastor talked about how we need to learn to listen. I think that's a lot of our problem as humans. Everyone keeps telling me how kool it is that God is speaking to me, but I think our Lord speaks to all of us. We just have to train ourselves to listen.
At the end of the service I met a Canadian medical missionary who has training in tropical diseases. She has been in Jarabacoa for 10 years and has her own clinic! Awesome! I definitely could have talked with her all day. It was encouraging to see someone within the medical field. I've met many teachers and social workers, etc who are missionaries but I am ashamed at the lack of international full time medical health care providers. With there being such need!!
Afterwards, I had lunch with the doctor I will be working with and his family. It was delicious. Lots of rice and beans and vegetables! They are so kind to cater towards my vegetarianism! Following that I spent the afternoon with a young missionary couple who are in charge of all the students when they come on trips and stay at the base. It was so nice to sit and speak with people who were my age and living here. That was huge for me. To get a 20-something American missionary perspective. I had dinner that night with two power house couples. The President of all of SI and the directors of SI-DR. It was a bit intimidating. That felt like my interview. They asked me some tough questions about my training, my vision, my testimony, my loan issue. But it was also incredible that little ole me, with big dreams was given the opportunity to sit at a table and dream about where God will lead me.
Last thought- I guess Sat I was so pumped and yesterday was pretty overwhelming. I think that is the best way to describe how I am feeling. Overwhelmed. Lord, am I ready for this?
9:00pm
And He answers trust in me. It has been incredible connecting with the missionaries here. I spent the morning in the hospital with my dear doctor friend. I have to say, every other time I have been in the DR I have felt like a tourist. This is the first time I can truly see myself living here. Over the past two days I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly of mission work. I have envisioned what my life would be like here and I have to say I get pretty excited about the possibilities. There is so much need and so much I can do. I had lunch with a single female missionary today. That was huge to hear her perspective. To hear how she hasn't dated since being here and all the weddings, babies being born and time with friends she has missed- but to hear how God has worked through her ministry. She is in charge of the best special ed school in the country! And the only in about a 50 mile radius.
I spent the afternoon vision dreaming with my potential site leader. He showed me where SI is building a clinic. A beautiful clinic next to their Physical Therapy site. I spoke with the Physical Therapist about how he moved down here and is practicing. It was fantastic to speak with someone who understands what it's like to leave American medicine. We then went to remote villages where I can start clinics! I just cannot believe this is where I am. Just from SDR in Las Terrenas to here with SI and Jarabacoa. The need is tremendous. My job would never end. My future site leader and I have a shared vision. Work in the "urban" clinic for the poor several days a week. Community health outreach with health care education and prevention in the remote villages. Starting clinics and home visits in the mountains. Regular clinics for the schools SI runs with initiation of health care record charts. In my ministry I would surely be able to work with American students to help me with the Dominicans! To reach those who would previously never have access to health care. What a blessing! And a prayer answered. To be able to pray with my patients and combine spiritual with physical healing! To follow the Greatest Healer.
HRC came this afternoon. It was incredible to be able to share with my Pastor and dear friend all that has transpired. I of course filled them in on everything. Today I am feeling this is possible. I get so excited thinking of where God is leading me. I have to say I do get nervous when I think of all that I could see and not know what to do (medicinally). But it's just like in the states- trust that Jesus will work through me, after all he is entrusting me with his children and whatever I don't know I will find someone who does.
Tomorrow is my 2 and a half hour interview. I'm not nervous but also not really looking forward to it. I don't love sitting down and talking about myself but I suppose it has to be done. I am just trusting. Trusting God that this is His path for me. That everything has led me up to now.
Tuesday July 5, 2011 7:15am
"He has shown you, O man, What is good. And what does the Lord require of you But to do justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
Micah 6:8
A season. I am called to be here for at least a season, a couple of years. Then to be determined. Can I handle piloting a new ministry site? Not alone. But with the strength of the Lord anything is possible. Did Moses think he could lead Israel out of Egypt? Did David think he could defeat Goliath? Did Mary think she could give birth to Our Savior? With trust, love and faith in the ruler of all we can. It is possible. Everything. Can I hang with youth and teach them? I didn't think so a year ago, but yesterday I had teenage girls shouting my name and running up to hug me. Telling me I would be great as a site leader. Was that you Lord? All is possible through you. Mountains move. Hearts change. Missionaries are born. Am I scared. Yes. Do I have moments where I am so excited I could jump up and down. Yes. Do I have moments where I am petrified? Yes. But through all of this no anxiety or unrest. Just peace and purpose. Today I am excited for my interview. To share. My path. Our path. Please be with me. May my words be yours. May I understand your will for me and proceed forth. Heavenly Father, I just praise you. I thank you for bringing me to this place. For making all these connections. To meet people who don't look at you crazy when you have this will and desire to live in another place. Thank you for this road we are embarking on together. You have not left me.
10:45pm
I love this place. But, once again I go home with such peace and conviction. My interview went great. I was a tiny bit nervous at the beginning but the Lord showed himself faithful and calmed my nerves. I feel as though they truly got a grasp on who I am. Our visions are parallel. I cannot believe that all I have been dreaming will become a reality. I was accepted on staff. Praise the Lord! I can finally move forward. Many things have to happen before I am here. My largest hurtle is my huge amount of student loan debt. So here I am praying and challenging our Father. To give my faith to you and believe that anything is possible through you. This is where you want me to be. Bring me here. These past few days have been incredible. And if My God is for us, than who could ever stop us? I am ok with that.
Wednesday July 6, 2011 7:00am
"Therefore I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; My God will hear me."
Micah 7:7
I am leaving today but without sorrow in my heart. I always know that I will be back. Perhaps it won't be for a year, but this is where God wants me to be. Every missionary has their inbetween year; their year of fundraising and of faith growing. I am inpatient and eager to get to the mission field right now, but all these things take time. Thank goodness I am finally in a job back in the states that I like. My God will hear me. Trust. Two resounding themes of the past week. It's time to take a leap of faith. At this moment I am not so overwhelmed; I'm where I need to be. I know there will be many times over the next year when I am frustrated or sad or torn. These I will lift up to our Father. To trust that this is where he wants me; all in his timing. I just pray for guidance. I pray for patience with those around me who won't understand the journey I am on.
10:30 pm
I was so blessed to spend a couple of hours sharing with my parents all that has happened over the past couple of days. They were pretty incredible. I am taking a couple of weeks to think about my timeline for things and start thinking about fundraising. I would love to have a kick-off event. The ideas are pouring in. Back to reality tomorrow. I pray for courage, patience, trust and perseverance over this next year.
"And my God will meet all your needs according to the glorious riches in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:19
 |
| Physical Therapy Site |
 |
| Physical Therapy Site |
 |
| Future Medical Site Clinic |
 |
| El Callejon- Social Work site, hopeful future community outreach! |
Saturday, June 25, 2011
I am terrible at sharing my calling to those who oppose it or do not understand. There, I said it. I find myself getting frustrated and unable to clearly express what God has laid so blatantly within my heart. It's easy to share my journey with those who respond to you with a look of amazement. With complete support and understanding. It's harder to speak with those who think I'm crazy. Those who don't understand what a calling is. To those who think I am living the dream, the American dream. I am a people pleaser. We know this. I like everyone to like me. I think most of us feel this way. But for me it can be consuming.
Perhaps this is a glimpse as to what the apostles and Jesus experienced from friends and family when they went to share the good news. In an ideal world everyone would be encouraging and supportive. But in the same thought, in an ideal world all would be believers. The truth is we do not live in an ideal world. We live in a world where evil is around us. Where possessions become idols and people have yet to experience the grace and love of our Father.
I suppose the next question is what to do with this? I'm confident that the struggles I experience while still in America are preparing my heart for what is to come. They pale in comparison. They are pushing me to grow in Christ. To rely on his strength. I just pray that if I am accepted to SI and when I begin sharing my path with all those around me that I have patience and use every encounter as an opportunity to share how my life has been transformed.
Perhaps this is a glimpse as to what the apostles and Jesus experienced from friends and family when they went to share the good news. In an ideal world everyone would be encouraging and supportive. But in the same thought, in an ideal world all would be believers. The truth is we do not live in an ideal world. We live in a world where evil is around us. Where possessions become idols and people have yet to experience the grace and love of our Father.
I suppose the next question is what to do with this? I'm confident that the struggles I experience while still in America are preparing my heart for what is to come. They pale in comparison. They are pushing me to grow in Christ. To rely on his strength. I just pray that if I am accepted to SI and when I begin sharing my path with all those around me that I have patience and use every encounter as an opportunity to share how my life has been transformed.
Monday, June 13, 2011
He carries us
Doubt. Why does humanity have to get in the way of everything? I feel as if I am living a dual existence. My weekends I am motivated as anything to follow God's will and day dream about the life he has planned for me. Then, without fail, Monday comes and American society infiltrates my body and influences my thoughts. Perhaps I could be happy here. Perhaps God is not calling me over seas. I love my job, I could stay with my patients forever. I could have a comfortable career with challenges and triumphs. The kind of career I had always dreamed of.
During devotions this morning, God met me. Through scripture he revealed that I am not the only one who doubted. After the crucifixion Jesus's own apostles (the holy 11!!) doubted what they saw and He was standing right in front of them!! We are so blessed to have a Father that understands His creation. He knows better than any of us that we doubt and question and stumble and fall. That without His help there is no way we can get it right. And to think he still loves us, despite our doubting nature when He is all around us!
I struggle with God's purpose for my life as we all do. The only thing I know for sure is that I sure love the DR. I sure love people. I sure love medicine. And I sure love Jesus. It makes sense to combine all? Sometimes thinking is too much. It's just easier to trust and let the future unravel. I don't believe we should sit back and allow life to happen but I also think sometimes we take too much control. So here's releasing the reigns to the one who knows the best.
He carries us.
During devotions this morning, God met me. Through scripture he revealed that I am not the only one who doubted. After the crucifixion Jesus's own apostles (the holy 11!!) doubted what they saw and He was standing right in front of them!! We are so blessed to have a Father that understands His creation. He knows better than any of us that we doubt and question and stumble and fall. That without His help there is no way we can get it right. And to think he still loves us, despite our doubting nature when He is all around us!
I struggle with God's purpose for my life as we all do. The only thing I know for sure is that I sure love the DR. I sure love people. I sure love medicine. And I sure love Jesus. It makes sense to combine all? Sometimes thinking is too much. It's just easier to trust and let the future unravel. I don't believe we should sit back and allow life to happen but I also think sometimes we take too much control. So here's releasing the reigns to the one who knows the best.
He carries us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)