Odyssey

I confess that I spend many days wishing that I weren't living at home.  Don't get me wrong, there are parts I do love.  I love seeing my parents on a day to day basis.  I love the beautiful mid-hudson valley and I love the small amount of friends I have left.  But, the best part of living at home is being involved in Hopewell Reformed Church.  I am so blessed to have such a strong church body and community of believers to look to and guide me on my journey.

One of the ministries I've been involved with is called Odyssey.  Odyssey is a church plant of HRC for people with cognitive and physical disabilities.  It started about 3 years ago with 4 people and has grown into a congregation of approximately 80-100 people.  This ministry has been such a blessing.  We're talking about a population that is often looked over.  Are people with disabilities brought to church?  Sometimes.  By their families growing up.  But, once they are older and are placed in group homes run by the state there no longer is an emphasis to bring them to church.  Not to mention many church services are difficult for people with disabilities.  To sit still. To be quiet.  To sing.  To hold hands and speak to one another.  To try and understand a sermon.

I of course speak from experience.  I remember many years of growing up with my brother where my Mom would spend the whole service making sure Jamie behaved and wasn't too loud or have an explosive episode.  This is where Odyssey is incredible, and the people who have really been committed to this ministry.  We sing. We have a sermon.  We pray.  We make a craft.  All on a level that people with developmental challenges can understand!  So what if people talk during the service.  Or have to get up to walk around?  We don't care.  

And let me tell you, neither does God.  I have never been in a place where God is more tangible than in an Odyssey service.  I selfishly say that I probably get more out of an Odyssey service than any of the people with disabilities.  Jesus is with the weak.  Oh yes.  

I bring this to your attention today because on Wednesday night we changed things up a bit.  Our church has been studying Philippians and being joyful through all the days of our lives.  We have been conducting small group bible studies for the past 5 weeks.  The first 4 weeks were at peoples houses but this week we decided to have the last bible study at Green Brier, a nursing home for people with disabilities.

I can't tell you how excited this nursing home was to have us.  If there's one thing you need to know about people who have disabilities, they love love love to show people where they live.  Well, most, except my brother who would just prefer to live in a dark cave by himself, haha.  But don't worry, we force him to socialize :) We had 26 people, not including the 5 of us visiting!

I speak of this night because I had a realization as we were teaching about keeping joy through the hard times.  My faith fails in comparison to many within this population.  I don't want to generalize, but it seems everyone who spoke had such a pure, uncomplicated, deep belief in Christ.  I believe that Jesus speaks to each of us in our own language.  And let me tell you, I am convinced that some of these people actually see Him.  That He chooses to reveal himself in a visual way.

I also realized that intelligence gets in the way of our belief.  We try to rationalize or find proof of our belief.  God doesn't ask us to do that.  He asks us to believe, wholeheartedly and without reservation, to have faith.  My scientific/medical brain constantly wants to have proof.  Whether it's some crazy way the Holy Spirit has worked in my life or proof that this world just could not have been made without God.  I find myself envious of how Odyssey people believe and worship without reservation.  Shouting to their maker with hands held high.  Not caring what people think.  Trusting that they are in the hands of the one who loves them most.

I pray that we may all be more like Odyssey people.  That we may love Jesus without reservation or doubts.  Without caring what other people think of us.  That we may follow his will for us.  That we (I) may stop looking for earthly proof to his existence, but look around us, to the people who surround us.  And the Holy Spirit that is shining through in normal day to day life.   

Homeless in PK

As I was driving along the arterial the other day in Poughkeepsie, NY I noticed a homeless man standing by the side of the road.  He looked very disheveled with a long scraggly beard, dirt on his face, multiple layers of clothes on his back and a shopping cart filled with what appeared to be his possessions.  He stood by himself, back turned to the setting sun, holding a sign that says "Jesus loves you.  I'm a believer.  Please help me."

This truly resonated with me, and no I did not stop, though I wanted to.  It took me several days to understand why I was so shaken by this man.  I don't know if he is a believer.  I don't know where he came from or what life predicaments brought him to the situation he currently was in.  But I do know two things.

This man may not be a Christian but he knew who to turn to in his weakness.  Whether it was for appearance sake or to speak to others to take pity on him, Jesus Christ was where he turned.  The one person who walked the Earth with an unrelenting compassion for the poor.

Secondly, if he was a believer he was looking to his fellow believers for support.  I suppose this speaks to me since I am in the midst of fund raising.  I too am looking for supporters who believe in our cause and ministry. People who are feeling called to sponsor me as I am feeling called to be a medical missionary.  This homeless man was appealing to Christians, Christ followers who are to love their neighbors as themselves.

I don't want to get political.  I know the homeless in America have many various socioeconomic problems and psychiatric disorders that have placed them in their current situation.  I know there are many,  many programs in the states to help people in their need.  But, it is incredible that in our society that appears so far from the lifestyle Jesus calls us to live; a person will still attempt to appeal to fellow humans through the cross. Two thousand years later.

I haven't seen that man since.  I pray that he sought help.  That he saw Jesus in the form of humanity.  And that perhaps, whether he was calling out to Christ for appearance sake or truly believed his words, that Christ was revealed to him.  As I pray he is to you.

Excited

This morning I got really excited.  I mean really excited.  It truly truly is beginning.  I am on my way to do this!  And people are listening and God is moving!!  I'm into my third week of fundraising.  Let me tell you, it is daunting, when going it alone.  But, God continues to provide and continues to give me encouragement, and reminders that I am not alone!  I am amazed by the people who are interested in this journey.  What an awesome blessing!

Thank you for the excitement and encouragement amidst overwhelmingness (is this even a word?)!!

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears."  Psalm 34:4

Autism, Fashion and Jesus

I am blessed to have an incredible older brother.  Jamie who everyone remembers.  Jamie who has an infectious laugh.  Jamie who loves without judgement or reservation.  Jamie who forgives with the blink of an eye.  Jamie who is a computer genius.  And Jamie who is autistic.

Autism has always been a part of my life.  Especially when your only sibling is trapped by this disease.  I've read many books about siblings of autistic children, some I can relate to and others I can't.  Yes autism was a part of our lives, but it wasn't the center.  Perhaps that is a testament to the way my parents raised us.  Sure accommodations had to be made, but we appreciate our little family and the quirks Jamie has shared with us.  I can go on for hours with stories of when Jamie put nails in the thanksgiving pie because he thought it was too boring.  Or when he was given scotch tape for his birthday (thanks Aunt Cindy) and I was taped in my room.  Or when he pulled the fire alarm at the mall...the list goes on and on.  Point being, life was never boring.  And for everyone who knows me well, I hate monotony.

The most hurtful thing about autism is the lack of understanding by others.  People can be so cruel.  I don't believe Jamie was bullied as harshly as other kids are, but he had his fair share of comments and stares by those who don't get it.  Sometimes autism is a blessing in that most of the things people said I don't believe he knew, understood or cared that they were mean.  But we did.  I knew when people were intentionally being mean to my brother who couldn't help his idiosyncrasies and wouldn't hurt a fly.

Last night I had the pleasure of attending the New Horizons Fashion show benefit.  New Horizons is the agency Jamie is a part of that provides his housing and social resources.  It is such an incredible event, but never has it touched me like last night.  It takes place at the Poughkeepsie Grand, with 250 people in attendance all there to support and raise money for people with developmental and physical disabilities.  Both people with and without disabilities participate in the fashion show.  Let me tell you, it is such an amazing spectacle to see women who have struggled with acceptance and mental constraints walk across that runway with hundreds of people cheering them on.  I was so moved by the support last night for this community.  Even though Jamie wasn't there, he is part of an agency where people accept him for who he is.  What a beautiful thing.  Finally.

I can't help but compare this community to Christianity.  I don't know how many people in that room were believers, but isn't this how we all felt when we first found Christ?  Breathing became a little easier.  Finally someone who accepted us for all our faults and idiosyncrasies.  A community that supports us, carries and encourages us.  When the rest of the world pushes our button, Jesus just welcomes us home.

Moving to the DR may be the hardest on my relationship with Jamie.  He hates the phone.  Talking with him face to face is hard enough, let alone on a computer, skype, phone or through mail.  I know we will try but it just won't be like being here.  I will really miss him.  And I doubt he will ever be able to visit.  That would be pushing his disabilities too far.  I'm not sure what I would even feed him!  Haha.  Perhaps I will find chicken nuggets somewhere.

Just one of the many people I will miss having regular contact with.  So, even though at 27 I don't want to be living back home, I find myself thankful for the time I have with my family.  And my Jamie.

I'm blessed to love my job.  I love the time I spend with my patients.  The autonomy I have but the accessibility of my attending Physician.  I love our small family run practice.  In the era of "big business" we continue to exude that comfortable medical climate.  I have to say, one of the hardest things in all this is thinking of the day I have to tell my employer I am leaving.  I can't risk telling them so far in advance.  I need my job until I leave.  But, I can't help but feel guilty that by day I am putting my all into a job that is, in my mind, temporary.  I have spent much time in devotion over when the best time will be to give my notice.  The last thing I want to do is leave the practice hanging, but I also need to think of my future.  I still have 8 months here.  I need a pay check during that time!

I thought once I accepted with SI that feeling of being "torn" would subside.  That, since everything in my life is working towards the DR, my job would be that just a job.  Perhaps I throw myself into things too much, but my job is my life.  Will my patients be ok without me?  Of course they will theoretically.  They were fine before me and will be fine without me.  But, who will love them like I do?

Another thing I have to trust.  Trust that God will provide the right timing to give my notice.  Trust that whoever replaces me will be an even better fit for my patients.  Trust that this is the journey I'm meant to follow and everything will fall into place.

Accidentally Fund Raising

Last week I "accidentally" started fund raising.  Sometimes it amazes me how God's idea of opportune timing is so different from mine.  I shared that I was given the go ahead by SI to begin.  Fantastic!  But I had many things I had to get ready before I could actually start meeting with people!!  I had donor letters that needed to be written, information and sponsor cards that needed to be made, and there was no way my donor appeal was ready.  I surely had to practice and piece together what I wanted to say before anyone could possibly believe in my ministry enough to support it.

Yet again, I was humbled and yet again God reminded me who was in control.  In my "not so ready" state, 5 people have committed to monthly donations.  5.  In one week!!  It's still an incredible feeling to have people support this crazy journey.  To see people believe in God and how He is working through people in a place I love so much.

When I think of all I have to accomplish in the next 8 months, I am overwhelmed.  I.  What is I.  Are we truly I?  Doesn't God ask us to lift all our concerns to him?  Doesn't He ask us not to worry about tomorrow?  When I look at the next 8 months of fundraising as "We" it's not overwhelming.  When I focus on today and trust that tomorrow will take care of itself, the next 8 months feel a little more manageable.  I believe in my journey and I believe funding will come.

I am entering into new territory for myself and so many that I am surrounded by.  But, you know what, I'm excited.  The next 8 months are just as important as mission training school and language school.  The next 8 months give me the opportunity to share our (mine and Christ's) journey to anyone who will listen.  They allow me to start trusting in Him.  To trust in timing.  To trust in Him for provisions.  8 months to grow deeper in my faith.  To become equipped for a life 100% in reliance on Him.  To learn to listen and to follow.

I continue to be amazed by the people God has placed in my life along this journey.  The teachers I have been blessed to meet with.  Incredible people of faith, all who are equipping me.  I thank all of you who have helped direct me along this path.  You have been answers to prayers and glimpses of His word to me.

So, here I am, accidentally fund raising and open to the way God wants things done.  Because, let's face it, His timing is far better than mine.  And this is ultimately about Him.  I am but a servant.