I didn't know they were hungry...

Where do we draw the line between "When Helping Hurts" and Christ's mandate to give all to the poor?

I find myself pondering this question a lot these past few days.  The new shift in missions is towards accountability, to being met halfway by the people we are serving and icks-naying free hand outs.  

For the most part.

I agree with this ideology.  We (people in general) have unintentionally ruined relationships by giving of our own volition creating a hazardous dependency in which once we (the provider) have been removed from a situation the receiver fails to stand on their own two feet.

The new mission model has created a beautiful partnership.  And, as someone who uses this model daily, it works.  My patients have dignity and our relationships have freedom without the weight of dependence.

But.  Then I was confronted with a new situation.

Last week, I went to visit a patient whom I see weekly.  We always arrive at her house in the afternoons, after meal time.  I knew her family was poor.  I knew 6 of them lived in one small room.  I knew her husband hasn't had work for 5 months.  But, I guess I didn't understand how that translated into their day to day living.

This family is hungry. 

They are not eating daily.  And when I ask, they already feel like I've done so much for them, and so they lie.  

This brought to fore front my previous question.  In the New Testament Christ makes it obvious that we are to give to the poor.  Most notably in Luke 12:33 

"Sell your possessions and give to the poor."

But how much?  I could feasibly drop off food every week and help them with gas and electricity....they are used to living on such a low standard of living I'm sure they could survive on $100/month.  And I could probably cut back on my own lifestyle and afford to help them, but would that be healthy?  Probably not on either side.  But they are hungry and are more than just faces to me, they are friends.  And so of course I want to help.  

But how much giving is too much?  Not enough?  Where do we as Christians find that healthy, Christ-mandated balance?

In this circumstance, Fernando and I have begun looking and praying for a job for the husband.  Of course in many circumstances in an impoverished country work is the key to many financial hardships.  But what if that doesn't happen?  In the DR, unemployment rates are high.  Especially for Haitians.  Will dropping off a bag of rice and beans every week damage our friendship?  Or do I let my friends go hungry?

Please join me in praying for this ethical dilemma.  I trust "what would Jesus do" to help guide me....so help me find....what would He do?

Dr. Fernando reviewing anatomy with our medical assistant
Caroly in our clinic in Angosto

Bienvenidos, little one!

I have the most incredible job.

We're still waiting to find out her name!

I wasn't really looking forward to this weekend.  I had no plans except church on Sunday.  Which makes for the fourth weekend in a row without a concrete activity.  Since returning to the DR I have found I crave this chill time...but this weekend I was finally ready to resume my faster pace of living.

And so, I wasn't disappointed when I received a call at 6:30 am from Dr. Fernando at the local clinic that my dear sister/patient/friend Rosne was in labor and therefore we would be performing her c-section unexpectedly early.

So that is how I spent my mañana...

Praying with my dear Rosne as she was prepped for her ceserea.  I held her hand in the OR as the anesthesiologist gave her an epidural.  I cringed as I saw that her blood pressure was high (160/110) despite my more than weekly visits to her house and provision of Methyldopa.  I thanked the Lord that we decided to have her deliver at the private clinic where she would get good care as opposed to the public hospital where my dear friend would be treated as a number and her high blood pressure not as closely monitored.  I heard the cry of her newborn daughter as she was brought into this world.  I watched the expert hands of Fernando perform a tubal ligation and suture her abdomen closed.

And this afternoon...I rejoiced with Rosne as she finally had her baby girl.  And I now have a sweet Haitian god daughter.

Me and my goddaughter :)

So from the bottom of my heart, and Rosne's (she made me to promise to share with you), thank you. For your prayers.  Your concern. And your love.

Caroly (my assistant), Rosne and her baby!

Imperfection?

I passed.  In so many ways I feel as light as a butterfly.  I don't need to worry about medical tests or boards for 10 years.

But through my studying and preparations I saw how ugly my heart can be.  As PAs we have more than one opportunity to take our boards...I think it may be something like five times.  But, due to my incredibly public life, taking my exam didn't just slip under the radar like other PAs.  No I had to apply for a leave from my international job, fly home, study and take the test.  Without any board preparation.

And yet, my greatest concern wasn't that I pass for myself or my patients, but that I wouldn't have to admit to seemingly the entire world that I failed.  My supporters who believe in my skills and my patients who are receptors of my knowledge.

I also realized how much of my identity is in grades and doing well in things.  Ugly.  I was so confronted with this reality that I was almost positive that I would fail so that I needed to admit to the world imperfection.

But then, that is not the God we serve.  We serve a God who honors His call on our lives.  And provides us with the resources needed to do that.  For me, my license.

And so, I thank Him.  For carrying me when I was tired.  For helping information to permeate into my brain and then allowing me to retrieve it when needed.  And for continuing to shape my flaws.  My ugliness.  And any part of my identity that fails to be focused on Him alone.

Once again....I am always learning....