16 days

16 days.  This is what my mind keeps obsessing with, my anxiety in full swing.  16 days is when I will speak in front of my church.  I'm trying not to think about how scary that is for me.  How much I hate public speaking and would rather play my guitar (which I don't play for anyone) and sing than stand up in front of my church with everyone staring at me and speak.  Many people hate public speaking.  I think very few people truly look forward to it.  Obviously this is necessary when fund raising, to stand in front of large groups of people, usually churches, and share your story.

When I accepted with Students International in July, this was where my mind immediately fled.  This is the first hurdle I will have to cross.  I have enjoyed meeting with people one on one and sharing the DR.  But, to kick off my fund raising, HRC has to see my face.  They have to see me.  I have to give a speech.

This is where my spiritual warfare begins.  Whether you believe evil as a person (Satan) or all the negativity in the world, it is irrelevant.  When we are trying to follow the path Jesus has called for us, there is going to be some opposition.  And right now, my opposition is extreme anxiety about public speaking.  If I didn't believe this was a worthy cause and what I had to say was important, I sure wouldn't be paving forward.

So what to do with this anxiety/fear.  Well, aside from asking the entire church to wear a bag over their head, my theme of trusting the Lord comes back into play.  Perhaps I don't have the words to say.  Perhaps I do not have the ability to move hearts.  Perhaps I do not have the power to inspire people to support my ministry.  But, I am in the hands of the one who does.  The one who brought me on this journey and has led me to this point.  Trust, Rachel, trust.

The trust I can develop now will help me as I follow him later.  In Colorado, in Guatemala, in the DR.  Trust.  The money will come in His timing.  Trust.  The church is your family and the perfect starting point.  Trust.  The words will come.  Trust.  You will not be alone.  Trust.  What you have to say and do is important.  Trust.  Trust.  Trust.

I pray that not only will I have full trust in God but that we all can rest assured and trust that we are where we are supposed to be.  In our little lives working towards something so much greater than any of us.